Why do the Cleveland Indians Want to Ruin My Saturday?

Besides having to listen to the miscreants who spew their 'r' less Brooklynese ad naseum at all hours beneath my bedroom window, I woke up in a great mood. Its Saturday. I have turned off my Blackberry so as to not be bothered by bosses who do not respect the blessed weekend. A big bike ride is in my near future.

And then I opened up the paper (although it is hard to really consider the New York Post a real newspaper) and there it was staring up at me like a beaten puppy.

The Cleveland Indians, burdened with the lofty expectations of the media and amateurs like myself, are in dead last place in the AL Central with a record of 11-19. Not only are they dragging the bottom of one of the weakest divisions in baseball but they also have the worst record in the AL and the second worst record in the entire major leagues.

Thank God for the Washington Nats, right?

There is no shortage of blame to go around as Grady Sizemore is veering dangerously close to the dark and dreadful land of the overrated while striking out nearly every 4 plate appearances, Jhonny Peralta stranding runners in scoring position as if he were the skipper from Giligan's Island and Fausto Carmona has shown about as much control as Charles Bukowski at an open bar.

But the main culprit is the bullpen. Oh God our bullpen is atrocious. Look no further than the debacle that occurred in Boston on Thursday night where the hated Red Sox (remember when they used to be lovable? like the Cubs?) dropped a dozen in the 6th inning before our pen could record a single freaking out. Whether it be Raffy Perez or Betancourt, Masa Kobayashi or Jensen Lewis, Matt Herges or Vinny Chulk or even, dare I say it, Kerry Wood there is a terminal lack of confidence in any lead for our Wahoo Warriors and it hurts . . .

I wish that I could provide some solutions, but to be honest I can't. Just get hits with guys on base, don't let a fastball sit over the plate and try not to walk more than 4 guys an inning . . .

The good thing is this: when I was living in the Bay Area, it seemed like every year the Oakland A's would start about this slow then go on an absolute tear starting just before the All-Star break and win the usually mediocre AL West. That's all we can hope for. That Jake Westbrook adds a little something to the pitching staff, Grady gets contacts (or some cool glasses a la Ricky Vaughn) in order to see the ball while at the plate and that somebody-SOMEBODY- in our pen gets into a groove for all to fall in line behind.