In my travels in and around NYC over the past 3+ years, I have found that there are several sub-classes of urban walking that I would like to present to you, dear reader. These people often make working and commuting to Times Square a veritable hell . . .
• Chubby girl in flip flops- they waddle down 42nd street with dirty feet and day glo shower shoes—be forewarned never to get behind this person if she has to ascend stairs in a subway station as they will breathe heavily and stop several times for breaks over the course of 15 steps . This specimen generally is chewing gum and compounds her slow walking by texting and not paying attention as to where she is walking. 6/10 on the bad walking scale
• Dumb tourists- this group travels in a pack and is often wearing sweatshirts/t-shirts/baseball hats with their home state university (i.e. Wisconsin, Penn State, Ohio State, Georgia, Tennessee). They walk 4-8 abreast and are difficult to circumnavigate as their collective gaze into the skyscrapers of Times Square leave them largely unmoved by the crowd around them. These are the people who actually eat at the Olive Garden in Times Square and speak with the amateur rappers selling mix tapes and the “do you like stand up comedy” asshats. 7.2/10
• Angry minority (or want to be minority) person who walks right at you looking for a fight- Enough said. 4/10 (10/10 on the scary scale)
• Sideswipe Walker- seemingly normal person who cannot walk in a straight line and instead travels in the same manner that an amateur skier takes down a trail. A big swooping “S”. This person slams into you as you try and pass them and rarely offer an “excuse me,” just a vacant look as they bounce back in the opposite direction. 5/10
• Mothers with their extra wide strollers- this specimen is most often found in the Park Slope, Carroll Gardens and Cobble Hill neighborhoods of Brooklyn. They feel that just because they took a shit load of fertility treatments and spent a lot of money to have strange looking kids for their nannys to raise they can take up the entire sidewalk on Saturday and Sunday afternoons (they only days that they are not working too much in media and/or finance). Be wary of crossing this specimen when near pastry shops, the Tea Lounge and Ola Baby on Court Street. 8/10